He Was Miserable And Thought His Marriage Was Ending - One Question Changes His Life

Best-selling author Richard Evans offers an example of how selfless giving of yourself can change everything.

Evans explains that he and his wife Keri struggled with their marriage. He noted that despite his love for her, “our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed.”

It turned out that Evans growing professional success and an increasing family bank account didn’t help improve his marriage and even made things worse. He noted: “We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.”

Then just when Evans thought he couldn’t cope and sat down in the shower and began to cry, he had a powerful inspiration: “You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.”

When he woke up the next morning, he asked Keri: “How can I make your day better?”

Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”

“How can I make your day better?”

“You can’t,” she replied. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I mean it,” I responded. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”

She gave me a funny look. “You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.” I nodded. “Okay,” and went to clean the kitchen.

Next day same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”

“Clean the garage.”

Evans said he felt his temper rising and was tempted to explode at his wife. But instead he just said, “Okay,” and cleaned the garage for two hours.

The next day: “What can I do to make your day better?”

“Nothing!” she snapped back “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.”

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “But I can’t.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care about you,” I said looking her in the eyes. “and our marriage.”

Then, during the second week of my asking the same question every morning, a miracle occurred.

When I asked the question that morning, Keri began to cry. Eventually she looked up and said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.”

I made her look in my eyes. “It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“Maybe, But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.”

She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.”

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you,” she responded.

Evans says he continued asking that special question for over a month. And things did get better. He said that the fighting stopped and soon Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”

He describes how everything was changed for the better: “The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions on what we wanted from life and how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they’d once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it in us to hurt each other anymore.”

Source: InspireMore
Photo: InspireMore

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