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Breaking News: Santa Claus Arrests The Abominable Snowman In Oregon

In a law enforcement version of a holiday mashup, it seems that the Abominable Snowman was arrested in Oregon earlier this week for impaired driving.

Moreover, it turns out the arresting officer is someone familiar to us all… Santa Claus.

In a press release, the yeti, thought to be native to the Himalayas, was seen in a picture at the St. Helens Police Department in the process of being cuffed and fingerprinted before spending a long night by himself in a jail cell to reflect on his poor decision making.

“He took that breath test, he blew twice the legal limit. We later learned that peppermint [schnapps] was the beverage of choice,” Chief of Police Terry Moss explained in an InsideEdition.com last week. “Nevertheless, he was treated like anybody else who receives a DUI in St. Helens and he was lodged into the jail,” the chief continued.

Chief Moss also commented in the interview that they had hired Santa Claus, who has a super-fly blue velvet uniform, to join their team ahead of the holidays because of his PR skills and his large number of followers.

“Anything Santa did on patrol was going to garner quite a bit of attention […] the decision was made to treat this arrest like any other, and make sure that everything was followed by the book and Mr. Snowman was brought to justice,” Moss went on to note. “Because of his unique circumstances and Santa’s schedule […] the judge went ahead and expedited the sentencing and sentenced him today to two days in jail and probation.”

A high-energy Santa Claus decided to take the moment to demonstrate to everybody that while naughty children get coal in their stockings, bad adults get arrested and end up in jail.

According to the SHPD press release, the regretful snowman pleaded guilty to the charge during his first court appearance Wednesday afternoon. The big fella is kinda the strong but silent type, but his attorney said that he would not be making a comment about the charges.

Inside sources also note that the Ab. Snowman had been distraught ever since a new study was released a few weeks ago suggesting that Bigfeet are not really an undiscovered species, because all the available physical evidence was tested and turned out to come from Asian bears.

After eventually admitting that the photo shoot was actually staged by the SH police department as a part of their holiday season public service campaign, Moss commented the department just wanted to make the most out of their opportunity to remind locals about the perils of drunk driving throughout the holiday season.

“Each and every year we send out messages to the community about, you know, don’t drink and drive, be responsible, party responsibly and try to share that message,” Moss continued in explaining the fake news in their press release. “I don’t know how effective that is, to be quite honest with you.”

Let’s hope that the lesson of what happened to the Abominable Snowman soaked into the residents of St Helens, and that every party has one or two designated drivers to get those who drank too much home safely.

Source: HuffPost, Inside Edition
Photo: St Helens Police Department

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